I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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