It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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