dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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