whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
