Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
