he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
