You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
