how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
