as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She needs sedatives and a leash
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
