So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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