i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if only i could text you this smell
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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