He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
