Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
