Swine flu. Run for my life!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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