just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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