I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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