i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
