me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
