Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
