I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
