Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
