We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
