Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
