from now on my penis is your penis
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
