the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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