You smell like stripper and shame
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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