Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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