i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
