Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
