I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
