he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
