Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
