Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
