Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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