Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
