i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
