His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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