Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
