The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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