you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
