My sheets look like a crime scene.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
