All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
