If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
