Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
