Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
