Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
