Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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