The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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