So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
