Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
