there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
