I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
